I am tired of pretending to be content with my life. So I'm not going to New York, boo-hoo. At least I know that I made it this far! And I'll be going to community college, Oh well... I'll get over it. I've come to learn that everything happens for a reason. However, that knowledge does absolutely nothing to make me feel better about myself. Life is a bitch, plain and simple and you're not always going to get everything you want (big surprise) but you learn to live with it.
So my little brother just came home. He was living with my dad for a while, but now he's back and I'm already tired of him. This little f*cker went out and got high, leaving my 11 year old brother at the mall by himself! I don't shive a git that he's out getting high, o well... he's old enough to make his own choices so have at it! But when my eleven year old brother is involved, it's a whole different story. So not only did he leave him at the mall alone, he came back bragging about how high he was! So now my eleven year old brother is looking up at him thinking that smoking weed is all fun and games! Have we forgotten that eleven year old children are extremely impressionable?!
That pissed me off soooo bad!! But...everything happens for a reason.
hmm...
Does that work in this case? What could I have possibly gotten out of that? Besides pissed off by my fifteen year old dumb ass brother?!
Anywho... God, when is it my turn to have a nice slice of the good life? I mean, is it too much to ask to get to go to my dream school?! I guess so... or what about, is it too much to ask to have a brother with a little bit of sense, or a father who's honest and gives a shit, or a mother who accepts me for who I am, or a job, or a boyfriend, or ANYTHING THAT I CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT?!
... well at least I'm alive.
who cares about happiness... am I being un-grateful? I mean, I have a family who loves me (if not like), clothes on my back, food on the table...yadda yadda ya. Happiness is irrelevant.
(3 minutes of zen breathing)
okay, I feel better now. I understand that I'm being a brat, get over it. Just because I am not content with my life doesn't mean that my life is over. I'm not giving up, I refuse to give anyone that pleasure. I am going to make the best of every lemon life gives me and make the best damn lemonade anyone has ever tasted!! (too bad you can't have any) lol. I understand that I have to keep moving forward and take it one day at a time. So, just because happiness is currently M.I.A. does not mean that it will be gone forever. My best bet is just to hang in there <3
Thanks for listening (reading) :-)
~*kisses*~
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