Coming Out

So I was thinking about my coming out story today, and thought I'd share it with you guyz! it's actually quite funny if I may say so myself :-)

There are actually three different coming out stories. Because I came out to my family three different times (crazy, I know :P) So let's begin, shall we?

7th grade: "The Notebook"
when I was in seventh grade, my friends and I had this notebook that we'd pass around to eachother between classes. It was like texting, before texting was as huge as it is now! << Let me back up a bit.... That year was the year I came out to my friends as bisexual. Even though I was sure I was gay, i thought it'd be easier to do it that way. In the notebook we talked about all of the things we cant say to other people, and some very personal information was contained in the pages of that notebook!

Here comes the upsetting part. One night, after replying to my friends in the notebook (it was my day to take it home), I mistakingly left it sitting on my sisters bed. That night, shortly after falling asleep, I felt a swift kick to my side. it was my mother. She was holding the notebook in her hand and I swear i saw steam coming out of her ears! She had read some of the notes we passed and learned of my secret identity. I was sent to the living room couch so that i could have a talk with my mom and step-dad. Hearing my mom cry like that, asking God "What did I do wrong?" hurt me. I never ment to make her hurt so bad. She sent me to talk to my youth pastro about it and it was soo embarrassing!! So I convinced them that I was pretending to be bisexual to get closer to the girls. (and they believed that load?!) HA!

After about a month the issue was behind us and my parents actually forgot it ever happened. the very next year i got a girlfriend...


10th grade: "Here's who I am"
So I came out as gay to all of my friends at the beginning of 10th grade. By that point I had lived the gay lifestyle in the closet for quite some time. However, I was not ready to break up with my girlfriend. I really liked her (as a friend of course) and would have hated myself to hurt her. I finally did it halfway through sophomore year. ... In January 2008 we moved to Casa Grande, AZ. There was where I really grew to accept who I was. And after a few months i was ready to face my parents. So I told them. "I'm gay" just like that. At first my mom laughed it off. But after a while I couldn't take it any longer. They took it as a joke. I was just "going through a phase" and it would be over soon. I couldn't take it. That night I left home to stay with a friend of mine for a while. It was hard to deal with my parents.

After i got back home, my mom was completely different towards me. All of a sudden every little thing I did was wrong. She didn't let me go to school on the day of silence. She treated me like I was demon possessed. And quite literally the worse thing she's ever done to me, she pulled me out of the school musical a few days before opening night. I couldn't believe that! I hated her guts! It felt like i was living in hell, and I hated every moment that i was at home! ... thankfully, I was in an amazing relationship. His name was Steven, and I was head over heels for that boy. During that time I considered suicide more than once, and it was him that kept me alive... I literally owe him my life <3

I ran away again because I couldn't take my family. My mother would come into my room at night, thinking I was asleep, and she'd pray and cry. And it killed me inside ot know that my mother was hurting so deeply because of me. I had to leave. i stayed with a family who i considered my own. they loved and accepted me for who I was and I absolutely adored them! (the funny part is that they live down the street from where I lived, my parents didn't look that hard). I was there a few days, then went home. It slowly got easier for me.



11th grade "the doctor"
After that whole episode, we never talked about it again. I guess my mom and step-dad made themselves forget, or figured the phase was over adn i was straight. One day my stepdad took me to the doctor, and found out that I have sex with guys... it was  hilarious to see the expression on his face. Somewhat like had just bitten into a lemon (peel and all) that had been saturated in skunk spray and piss! lol. So he went and told my mom.. lol and it went downhill from there. It was pretty much a repeat of the above, just not as bad. My mom called our pastor to come over and have a session with me. I guess she thought they could cast the gay out of me! lmfao!! The rest of that year i was constantly on punishment... it sucked :P

Now, everything between me and my parents is fine. They know who I am, and even if they don't agree with my sexual orientation, they accept me and have realized that i will not change (thank Jesus!)

there is so much more that I could tell you, but it would only depress me. I can't put into words the devastation I felt being treated the way that my parents treated me. coming out is never an easy thing, and it is a life-long journey. I encourage anyone struggling to come out to have a strong support system of friends, and to be 100% honest with yourself before you begin.

~*kisses*~