this thing called life...

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So I've been crying a lot lately. Idk... everything is just so hard. I'm finally about to be on my own and I have no idea what I'm going to do. My original plan was to attend Marymount Manhattan College as a BFA acting major. But since I am unable to fund my college education I might end up going to a community college. The only thing is that if I'm going to be in college I REFUSE to live with my parents...I want the full college experience community or not! But that means I have to find a job, which means I have to decide on where I want to live. If I do go to community college I am unsure whether I want to go to one out here or in Detroit! Talk about a rock and a hard place.

On top of that my family is struggling worse than we ever have. Six people cannot live comfortably on $12,000 a year! It hurts me so much to see my mom struggle like this and I want to help but idk what to do! Get a job! okay, but do i use the money to help me or my mom? college or family? They'd want me to choose school, but i feel as if I have to take care of them. I don't know what to do, how to think, what to feel...

Theres a void in my life and I don't know what to fill it with. It seems as if happiness is just not a feasible thing right now. Depressed, angry, overwhelmed, exhausted, useless...

I want to scream, but who will hear?

I want to cry, but who will catch my tears?

Life is hard, and I'm just now getting a taste of it. Is it too late to spit it out and order something else??

~~*kisses*~~