One Moment More

Just two friends.
Two people in this world searching for happiness,
And finding it in each other.
No need for the label,
Just be.
Just be happy together because that's the human experience.
Because noone expects it,
But noone can admit it
That two people loved eachother for a night.
Not lovers
Just lovers
No leashes
No fences
No walls to hide behind
Just the air that they once shared,
And the light creeping through the spaces between their tangles bodies.
Nowhere to hide.
Why hide?
Life passes judgement daily.
Two people who belong to the universe.
Two people who shared one breath for one moment in time.
They fit
They worship one another
They make love
And leave it there
It belongs there in that moment
Not tainted by the complications of humanity.
Love is not forever
Usually it is just for a moment.
They took it and molded it to fit them
And it did
For a moment
Which was all they needed.

A Night Affair

Last night I took a walk.

Through mountains of concrete and valleys of a poor mans scouring.

Cradled in the icy arms of night and carried to a time when thoughts fly free and love lives utterly uninhibited.

Where has that gone?

As I walked, I saw young lovers wrapped in tenacious embraces, trying desperately to abdicate the expectations set upon them by overbearing predecessors.

I saw the homeless.

So easily forgotten, yet more abundant in self-assurance than most. They are not homeless; The world is their home. Make fun of their card-board box when you, too live in a box.. only yours is wooden, or maybe brick. We search for years upon years, looking for an answer to a question that has yet to be asked when they have asked and have found and though they may have lost, they are already two steps ahead of us.

I saw the pulchritudinous night sky, threatened by bludgeoning pins and needles of stories upon stories of concrete, steel and glass.

I heard the competition of car horns screaming at the top of their electromagnetic capacity for nothing greater than the satisfaction of having the bigger stick.

I heard the cry of a young child who had dropped his binky.

A panicking mother, wanting neither to hear the child's beleaguering wine nor to present him with the defiled pacifier, in turn bellows at the greatest extent of her lungs and begs the adolescent to discontinue his cry.

He is silent. He looks up at his mother as if to say, "Was all that really necessary?"

It was.

I shivered in the grip of the night and cowered under the watchful eye of the ever-present moon.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to become enveloped in the embrace of the Cimmerian shade.

There exists beyond this moment no possibility of life.

Here in the night, I live.

~*Darius A. Journigan*~

Dear Me..

Dear me,

You disgust me.
You forgot me.
How could you forget me?!
All that I've done for you, all that I do,
And you FORGET me??
When you were down I pulled you back up!
When you were lost I gave you a compass.
When you wanted to give up I wouldn't let you!
And this is how you repay me??

There was once a time when I was the most important person in your life.
Then you met God.
And he took my place.
He told you that he came first, and I came second.
He tried to change you.
He told you that I was wrong for you.
He tried to make you forget me.
He put lies in your head and you hid me.
More like hid from me.
But you came back around.
You found room for both of us.
And for the first time in your life, you were happy.

I HELPED you!
When the world spit in your face I was there.
When your parents tried to break you, I was there. Me!!
And now you've forgotten.

This isn't the end of us.
I know in my heart that you will remember me. That you will come back for me.
Until then, take this letter and hold it close to your heart.
Try to remember what we fought for together.
Try to remember what you saw in me, it's still there.

I'm dying without you.
Please hurry...

eM evoL I

I love me.

I may bruise or cut myself
I may look in the mirror and dislike what I see
I may regret the decisions I've made
I may cry myself to sleep or beat myself up for my failure,

But at the end of the day, this is me. And I love me. I love every inch, every curve (or lack thereof)
I love my brown skin and my big beautiful brown eyes
I love my creative spirit which shows in everything I do
I love the way I sing in the shower
I love the way I dance in the rain
I love when my heart hurts, because it is at those moments that I'm most sure I have a heart.

I love my hands, my feet, my nipples, my thighs, my fingers, my toes, my ass, my knees
I love my penis, my arms, my shoulders, my lips, my ears, my hair, my head, my nose
I love that I suck my thumb every now and then
I love that I'm afraid of the dark at times
I love that I can put a smile on almost anyones face.

I love that I am me and noone else

I love checking to see if my deodorant has worn off,
I love that I get turned on so easily
I love the way I put words together
I love my life and everything about it.

It may not be the life I planned, or the life I wanted, but it's MY life. . and I'M living it.

I'm perfect in every way possible.

And FUCK anyone who says otherwise.

~*Love&Light*~

Life Don't Like Nobody

Life don't like nobody.
And can't nobody tell me otherwise.
It builds a great man up,
All the while planning his great demise.
See, it's a crafty little fucker.
From the moment you're born you've lost.
You may win the lottery, or find a cure to AIDS, but believe you me, when the time comes, you lose.
Happiness can only last for a season.
Pain endures without reason.
Hearttache cums and goes..
Like a man.
We run from the truth as fast as we can.
Blinding our own eyes,
Deafening our own ears.
Hiding behind lies, religion, education and fear.
Don't you dare
Drop that tear.
Get yo ass over here!
Chin up!
Shoulders back!
Now aren't you lucky? ...
Picked for the draft.

Fight to the death.
And while you breathe your last breath,
You smile ans hake your head,
'Cuz that fucker won again.

What are we fighting for?

What is war?

A chance for life to rub our faces in the floor
while we beg for more
Like a cheap dirty whore,
Who bangs on the mirror
In hopes of shattering what she sees.
But gets back on her knees
'Cuz that the hand life dealt her.

Life lines up the soldiers.
Life sends them overseas.
Whithout the slightest clue as to why.
Why they fight,
And why they die,
And why they see the things they see.

They're army strong.

They go home.

And again life has won.
'Cuz when it's all said and done,
Home turned out to be just a house.
A house in a city somewhere in some state,
In the land of the free and the home of the brave.

God bless America?

God fucked America.

We sit on our asses,
Watching TV
Oh what fun to live in the land of the free.

Life is a bitch.
Nothing else to be said.
This beautiful country,
Full of hatred and dread.

For some,
Life is served on a big silver platter.
But eventually, it falls..
And the silver, it shatters...

Life don't like nobody.

A Box of Me.

Ouch.
It hurts.
This pushing me away. This forcing me to be someone I'm not.
This stuffing me inside a box comprised of deceit and despair.
I. Don't. Fit.
Please don't try and make me.
It hurts.
My legs are cramped and my neck won't turn.
My wings need to be spread.
My voice needs to be heard.
I need to stand atop the mountains and scream!

"This is me! I am me! I hear, smell, touch, taste and feel the same as you.
A stone thrown will leave me bruised
A sword will cut
A gun will kill.
Do you not see the fear in my eyes?
It hurts!
Can you not hear the tremble in my voice?
Can you even hear my voice?
I stand upon these mountains with arms outstretched and eyes wide shut.
See me!
Hear me!
Feel my presence as it follows the wind around me.
I hurt!
I bleed.
I cry,
Oh, God I cry."

And then I'll run.
Far away from everything you ever saw for me.
Because I do not fit.
I never did.
All those years I cried.
Because it hurt.
Now no more. No boxes nor confinements.
No limit to my me-ness.
I'm going to love me,
for me.
Not for you.
Because you hurt me.
The bruises are still there.
Some days I'm sore and I remember what you did.
where you tried to put me,
where I failed to thrive.
I am going to be happy.
I am going to take that box and stand atop it.
It is my mountain.
I have worked my way upward and knocked down every obstacle.
I am here.
Do you see me now?

The Drift

What does it mean to "drift" through life?

Like on a breeze? Going wherever the wind (life) takes you?

Or maybe it's walking blindly. Taking life step by step, feeling the ground before you with your bare feet making sure it's safe to tread. Holding out a naked hand in search of a guide, but finding that the hand stays empty. Fooled by the song of the wind. Hearing it's crescendo over grassy fields and concrete jungles, tricked into chasing after what we only hoped was the presence of another like us. Fools we are. All of us.

There's no one here. No crying babies to drool on our clothing. No howling children to pull at our shit tails begging silently with large round eyes for something we cannot supply. No parents interrupting our drift, trying with every fibre of their existence to point us in the right direction. No teachers to guide us. No preachers to lie to us. No politicians to blow up our brains with false hope. No librarians to shush us in chilly buildings. No friends to talk to til five in the morning. No lovers to hold us when we feel lonely, to look into our eyes and tell us we're almost there. No classmates to push us forward. No pets to love us with unknowing loyalty. No doctors to charge us for taking a breath. No strangers to stare as we pass them by. No clerks in stores to keep a watchful eye. No neighbors complaining again and again..no...No....NO! Nobody! Nobody's here, we're all alone. Why is that so hard to understand?

Why do we hold on to false hopes of becoming famous and reaching the stars? Do we not know that to get close enough to touch a star means instant death? Why do we put ourselves through agonizing pain, trying desperately to achieve the greatest of goals...beauty, power, fame, respect, wealth?

Forget all of that!
Forget who brought you into this world, and who can take you out.
Forget about the lamb, 'cause Mary's never getting it back.
Forget about the sowing; reaping may never come.
Just drift.

Drift. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Drift

Feel the wind at your back, the earth beneath your feet, the sun beaming down wishing you could bask in it's glory! Do you feel it?? Do you?!

Feel it!

Close your eyes and open your heart.
Now follow it.

~
~
~
Drift.